Not all families are perfect. Everyone experiences their ups and downs. Some of them are happy together, while some are not. Some members of the family understand the flow of rules of relationship, but some of them don’t. “The dissolution of a marriage is associated with various psychological, social, and economic consequences, many of which are considered aversive, stressful, and potentially even traumatic,” states Wiebke Bleidorn, Ph.D.
You see, not because parents gave birth to their children, doesn’t mean they get allowed to harm them physically, emotionally, and mentally. It is essential to understand that sometimes, even the least persons people think will not hurt them can potentially do the opposite. With regards to that family matter, let’s talk about a particular issue of parents returning home after years of being gone.
Parents, when they leave their children, it is due to a couple of things. Perhaps they can no longer handle the pressure of proving everything for the kids. Maybe they are not mature and ready enough to stand with their responsibilities. Sometimes, even if others think these people are unworthy, they may have a valid reason for doing it. In a mere expectation, the scenario of parents leaving their children is heartbreaking. “Divorce tends to intensify the child’s dependence, and it tends to accelerate the adolescent’s independence; it often elicits a more regressive response in the child and a more aggressive response in the adolescent,” Carl E Pickhardt Ph.D. explains.
Everybody agrees to that. But even if that is the case, a lot of people believe that once they decide to come back home, things can start all over again. There is this expectation that a family can become whole again once the parents decide to come home after years of being gone. But honestly, it is not and will never be that simple.
A lot of people expect that once an apology gets asked, and forgiveness appears given, things can be the way it was before. But that expectation is complete bullshit. Depending on the emotional and mental damage, children have the right to feel uncomfortable with the return of their parents after years of being away.
It is perfectly okay to think positive and assume that everything will be alright. Children may feel happy and excited about the idea of having a “one big happy family” again and all that. But, the longing and loss of time is not something anyone can quickly bring back.
“In providing a supportive and nurturing relationship, parents play a critical role in promoting their children’s healthy development. They also protect their children from the psychological consequences of significant stress by buffering them from the effects of traumas and helping them to regulate their emotions.” says Ian H. Gotlib, Ph.D. Parents can’t just barge in and say, “Hey, we’re back!” The children experience having a rough time needing their parents for years, so what makes people think that the kids will need them right at that returning moment? Honestly, parents can never reclaim the loss of emotional attachment they have denied their kids for years.
Even if they can, it will take the parents a lot of time, effort, and consistency as well. Yes, respect and value can remain. However, it does not guarantee that kids will still offer love and affection in an instant. In reality, things are a little bit different. Children will never become at ease to be with their parents. The kids’ idea of abandonment and neglect will always reflect on their parents’ actions.
To those parents who left their kids, and for those who are planning on doing it, one thing is vital. The children’s emotional and mental damage is your fault. But the positive growth and development they have emotionally and psychologically are no way part of your contribution.