Life is not as easy as we think it was. All the people surrounding us, we knew they have their purpose. We understand that even the unnoticeable things they do mean a thing. We get to appreciate, value and love them for all the life contributions.
But relationships are not all fairytale-like happy ending. Because sometimes, even the least persons we thought could never hurt us can be the cause of our overall emotional and mental dilemma.
Reality Speaks Truthfully
In a family issue, we can never control what makes the husband and wife grow apart. Yes, we can point out some factors that might affect their relationship negatively. But, it is only a small detail that cannot represent the totality of the unwanted outcome.
Marriage takes a lot of effort and consistencies. When it falls, trying to fix it can either go separate ways. Couples might end patching things, or splitting up for that reason. With all the possibility of getting a broken home due to an unhealthy marriage, things about it are often uncertain.
Perhaps you also noticed that people are open to legal separation and divorce. Guess it is part of the law. But the kind of acceptance that this particular thing receives from the public somehow disregards emotional and psychological results. Not only for the couples though, but for the children as well. But do not get it wrong.
“Divorce can be a devastating experience for the adults who are splitting as well as their children,” notes Bela DePaulo, Ph.D. “But it can be an empowering, and sometimes even life-saving, choice when the alternative of staying in the marriage is even worse.”
There are marital issues that need to end, especially if abuse is part of the picture. No one can question why separation becomes necessary to that particular scenario. But what triggers some individuals, is when people use the term “splitting up” to justify couples’ inability to make the right adjustments for the sake of their family.
Some may say that having a broken home is not a big deal. Well, maybe it doesn’t. Some children can become perfectly okay emotionally and mentally without one or both parents around them. But the idea of using it to resolve a family issue is a bit off.
“Overcoming the issues that existed prior to and during incarceration are often more than most families can survive,” Susan Heitler, Ph.D. says. Worse, she adds, “When families shatter as a result of incarceration, children pay the highest price, and statistically have a much higher chance of committing a crime themselves.”
Understanding the effect of the whole “I can live without them” ideology somehow predicts a more complicated and lonely life for those who are involved. Well, honestly, it is not about how people view the trauma that their broken family gives them. It is about the process of recovery and healing from it.
If given a chance, you can ask all the people around the world, almost a hundred percent of them would wish to have a complete and happy family. But since reality does not allow that always to happen, people suffer from mental and emotional instability.
Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. wrote, “One challenge in divorce situations is how to apologize without blaming the other parent or blaming yourself excessively. Focusing on the other parent or your own shortcomings distracts from your focus on the children’s experience and emotions.”
When one or both parents decide to call it quits, it becomes nobody’s fault. When children emotionally moved away from parents because of abuse, you can never blame them as well. When a family chooses to stay broken, it is not anyone’s role to fix them either. Everything depends on how each member of the family accepts and decides for their every fate.